 | You are viewing ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} isayweriott's journalLog in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more | Explore LJ: Life Entertainment Music Culture News & Politics Technology |
content
pissed off surprisedName: Abby
Date: 2/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 72015643
You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self determined you are.
Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.
Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.
Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?
You are completely worn out - physically and mentally - and it has got to the stage where 'you don't want to participate anymore'. You are in fact experiencing what is known as 'burnout' and your reaction is such that you feel that everyone is against you yet you still seem to refuse to listen to reason. You are hostile, bitter and indignant. You insist that you want and are entitled to your own way - well maybe you are, but your attitude is not conducive to making friends. Take it easy. Let go and get back into the World.
bitchy
blahValentine’s Day of last year, one of my best friends told me something that changed everything from that moment on. I hate to use names, but I have to or else you’re going to get confused. Her name was Taylor and I knew her as long as I have known Britt. Us three were inseparable. The definiton of ‘The Three Muskateers.’ If you said one of our names, the other two would always follow.
Please remember that this was the time that I was going through one of the hardest parts of my life. Before my therapists, before Mrs. Michelle knew anything. I would write notes about what I did to my arms, legs, whatever to Brittany and Taylor and they would read then and never know what to say, but they would offer any advice they could think of.
Anyway, Valentine’s Day. Last year. I would always be the first one to school and I would sit in the earth science hallway by me and Britt’s lockers. Taylor would be the second one there and we would chill until Brittany came. But last year, Taylor came in and asked me to walk with her because she had to tell me something.
We took a walk over to the spot where the seniors would chill (by the elevator on the 3rd floor.) She told me that she and her dad got into a fight the night before about Jamison (her little brother.) Basically, she tried to go up to her room and he pulled her down the stairs by her hair and she tripped and fell on the way and hurt her ankle. Later, after her parents and Jamison went somewhere, she said she went out on her deck and jumped off in an attempt to kill herself and when it didn’t work, she went to her room and created a huge gash in her ankle with a pair of scissors. She said her ankle was sprained from the fall and tripping down the stairs.
She was limping. She wore a huge fuzzy sock over the gash.
As you can probably imagine, I was really upset to hear that. So we stood there crying and hugging and didn’t care about the people who walked by and asked what was wrong.
Taylor told me to tell all of our friends. Brittany, Carly, Athena, Abby, Jenny…everyone. I got a chance to tell everyone except for Abby.
We were all really upset about it. We carried her books for her. We helped her up the stairs. We did anything to make it easier on her. We didn’t want to lose our best friend.
Two days later, February 16th, I was on my way home from my grandmother’s house when my cell phone started ringing. It was 7:30 pm exactly. It was dark out and I was tired of riding in the car with my annoying siblings.
The caller ID said it was Taylor. I answered on the first ring.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said. I remember everything from this conversation.
“Ab?” It wasn’t Taylor. It was Taylor’s mom, Ms. Cathy.
I was confused, like anyone would have been if their friend’s mom was calling their cell phone.
“Hey, Ab. It’s Ms. Cathy. I tried calling your house but no one answered. I hope it’s okay I’m calling your cell.”
“Yeah…it’s no big deal. I’m just driving home from my grandmother’s house.”
“That’s good. Well, I needed to tell you something kind of important.”
“Okay?”
“Do you remember Taylor telling you something? About her getting a fight with her dad? And trying to kill herself afterwards?”
“…Yeah?”
“She lied to you. That never happened. She’s fine. Mr. Jamie would never do something like that to her.”
“…Oh…Well. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I hung up the phone and looked down at my hands. They were shaking. My heart was beating so fast that I’m sure you could have heard it. All I wanted to do was go home and call Brittany.
Turned out, Ms. Cathy had called everyone and told them the exact same thing she told me.
The next day, I sat in the earth science hall way. Taylor came up and I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly to the left. She was crying.
“Can I talk to you?” she whispered.
“No.” I responded.
“Please?”
“Go away, Taylor. We are not friends. And we never will be again.”
She stood there for a couple more seconds and then left.
Brittany and I were the only ones who didn’t forgive her. Taylor thought that because everyone else forgave her, we should too. She wrote us countless apology notes and got our other friends to talk to us for her. Nothing would make Britt and I forgive her again, especially after she tried to turn the whole thing on us.
She wrote me a long note about how everything me and Brittany were doing to her was making her want to kill herself ”for real this time.” She said she hated us and she couldn’t believe what bad friends we were being. She said sorry more times than she should and we didn’t deserve to have her as a friend anyway.
“Best friends are supposed to forgive and forget, so I guess you guys aren’t real friends anyway.”
The only thing I said back was “Best friends don’t lie.”
After that, we had it out for each other. It was like Mean Girls, except worse because it wasn’t funny at all. As she manipulated her way into other people’s lives, she talked as much shit as she possibly could to anyone that would listen.
She was stupid enough to think that it wouldn’t get back to us.
The day I heard enough was at lunch when we were sitting at tables next to each other. I had a perfect view of her and her new found friends. She wouldn’t shut up and it was driving me insane that she thought she could do that.
That day, after school, she called me.
“What is your problem, Abby?” she asked. “Why is it such a big deal to be friends with me?”
“You lied.” I responded.
“Everyone lies. That’s life. Get over it.”
“Everyone does lie. You’re right.”
“So what’s the big deal?”
“I don’t think you realize how big this lie is. You lied to every single one of us. About suicide. You don’t do that.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“I don’t care. And, by the way, I can hear your mom in the background telling you exactly what to say. Nice try. You can get as many people as you want to try to convince me, but you aren’t going to break me. I can honestly say that I hate your guts. It’s not going to change. And that’s not a lie.”
-Insert me hanging up here.-
Me being the bitch that I am, I started telling people about what happened. I knew she was doing the same exact thing, but twisted the story up so it sounded like me and Brittany were the liars.
I told anyone that asked “Hey, why aren’t you friends with Taylor anymore?” or “Why was Taylor crying that one day in geometry?”
One day, in chorus, I was sitting there waiting for the bell ring. Brittany was sitting next to me and we were joking around and being ourselves.
Taylor stomps up in front of us and I just give her a look. An “are you fucking kidding me?” look.
“Abby, I need to talk to you.” she says.
Or, rather, demands.
One thing she failed to understand is if she’s going to be rude to me, she’s going to get it right back.
I didn’t even respond to her demand. I just looked at her and back at Brittany.
“Are you telling everyone about what happened?”
“Telling everyone what, Taylor?”
“About…the deck thing.”
“Hm…yeah! I guess I am.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Why would you do that?”
“Because they asked. And they deserve to know that you’re a liar.”
“Abby, as my best friend, I trusted you.”
“Taylor. I am not your best friend. I trusted you. And you ruined that by lying.”
“Best friends don’t spread things about each other.”
“Best friends don’t lie.” Brittany said from behind me. I turned around and smiled at her.
“Abby, do you want me to punch you in the face? Because I will. I am not having a good day and you’re not making it any better.”
“Go ahead, Taylor. Do it. Punch me.”
Mrs. Roberty came in and said “Separate yourselves, ladies.”
To which I said, “Gladly.”
“OH MY GOD!” Taylor immediatley started crying. “I NEED TO GO TO GUIDANCE! OH MY GOD!”
She bolted out of the room, running into anything she could possibly run into.
I looked at everyone’s face and they were just sitting there wondering what the fuck she was on.
In an attempt to get attention, she made herself look like she was on crack. As if that wasn’t enough, she came back holding one of those stress reliever things that people squeeze when they get mad.
She named it Jesus.
I sat there watching her squeeze “Jesus” and wondered how the fuck I never realized that she is a serious psycho-path.
We didn’t talk for the rest of the year. And we still don’t talk now. Me, Britt, and Abby always joke about her being a liar.
I hear from everyone else that she still lies about a bunch of things and she’s always creates drama for herself and everyone else. She obviously hasn’t learned anything yet and doesn’t make me regret anything that happened between us from last year.
I do miss the old Taylor a lot. But I know that there is no way in hell that she is going to come back.
On B1 days, she sits at my lunch table and she always tries to involve herself in the conversations I’m having. I know she is trying to snake her way back into my life, as well as Brittany’s. I know she misses us. She tells people she cries herself to sleep because she misses us so much.
She doesn’t understand. You don’t lie, first of all. And second? You never lie about suicide. Especially because of the shit I was already going through.
I hope she figures it out one day…either the hard way or the easy way. I hope she learns her lesson. The fact that she will learn her lesson eventually makes me happy.
I hope she realizes how much hell she put Britt and I through last year.
I hope she remembers yesterday and tomorrow, but I sincerely doubt that she will.
Let’s face it. She doesn’t care how much she hurt us. She only cares about herself. She thinks about how much attention she will get out of all of the things she does. She wants a reason to cry at night. She wants that reason to complain.
More than anything, she wants people to feel bad for her.
I am proud to say I am no longer one of those people.
sick
weirdI pretty much died last night. (No, I really didn’t at all.)
I fell asleep on the couch watching “What I Like About You” on The N at 7:30. My mom woke me up at 10:30 to go to bed and I rolled out of bed at 11 this morning.
I only do that when I am really avoiding something. I know what that something is and I’m going to continue to avoid it.
In other news, happy Valentine’s day. Sarah celebrated hers last night with Jimmy who needs to be punched in the face. She is giving me the “details” right now and I am surprised at how nicely he treated her for a change. How much do you want to bet I won’t hear anything about it from my best friend?
Sonya called me last night from her Take Action show during ”Lyrical Lies.” <3
I’m missing Cute Is What We Aim For, Every Avenue, and Breathe Carolina on 2/20, 3OH!3 on 4/24, and NeverShoutNever! on 4/28 all because of Believers Never Die.
I am beginning to hate this tour a lot. It better blow me the fuck away or else I am going to be pissed off that I spent all of my money on it.
cheerful
cranky
chipper
discontent